I must say I'm pretty pleased with how things've turned out thus far. Home isn't as faraway as it seemed. Life isn't as bad as once feared. It's pretty good, actually. The sun's shining, The Corrs are playing on Winamp, and people no longer think of me as that snotty-nosed kid - got income, you see. Having a job, no matter where, changes your image in peoples' eyes. Probably something to do with I'm no longer being fed by parents/organisations/what-have-yous. Well, but that's another story for another day.
Never mind that work has reduced me to a restrained humourless robot-like, er, robot. I've now become a far cry of my free-spirited, floral-design wearing days of youth - college, actually - but who cares if my life lacks that laughter if I can, er, laugh at the fact that I am a humourless ogre. Haha, ogre!
I don't mind slaving away as an obedient employee to anyone if I can pay bills and afford that island holiday every once in a while. Have I sold out on my principles? Isn't life more than money? Yes I guess, but a paycheque pacifies that easily. After all, money makes life better simply by having you not worry too much about the lack of it.
Anyway, all this talk is really filler from what I was wanting to say. My life has seen me seek this elusive thing. I call it freedom but it's not freedom that you and I expect. It's not freedom of speech, nor is it freedom by not being imprisoned, etc. It's freedom of choice. What I love about things now is that I have found a freedom to choose how my life turns out. I can choose to smoke a cigarette knowing that it would kill me; I could choose to spend a whole day shopping if I wanted to. I also have control over crucial things; where to live, what to do with my money.
Yes, I've never felt full freedom like this before, perhaps you have. I've always, for some reason or another, felt like someone was watching my every move, felt restrained by some form of authority. I no longer.
The most beautiful thing about life is knowing that you determine it. Sure, God ascertains it, but you determine it.